What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 02:12
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
What did i know ?
I couldn’t, believe it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She wouldn,t have been !
How was your JEE Mains 2024 April attempt?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I will be 64.
Why are there so many single moms in America?
Ive learnt so much.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Are you afraid to get married and why?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
What is the reason for The Acolyte (2024 series) having poor reception among Star Wars fans?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Was to survive, this bastard.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
This is soul school!.
What made you feel disgusted today?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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I did it because my mum asked me too!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I waited trembling.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was very sick at this time too.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But it wasn’t much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I think the readers, may guess!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She married twice! .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was 9 years of age.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Put me off passion for life!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When she asked me how she looked .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were not on the streets..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I said to her
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It was going to be , some day.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I have no regrets .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
All the time i was locked up.
Im still living with it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We all went to grammer schools
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My family never makes their pension either.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was in good health!
And i lived it daily.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Comes on , in middle age.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She loved him until the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My life is so biszare .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I don,t even have a pension.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He knew the spot.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She found it foreign!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But, we were locked up after school.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
(And it was in our own minds.)
So whats the point in blame.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was scared of men, in general
One cannot live in the past .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Especially a lifetime of it.